Happier than ever

As always, I make big theories about the stupidest things, and today it's the theory about Billie Eilish's Song, Happier than ever, but it's also related in a way or another of my last blog to be or not to be, but not everything in the song, only one chorus that got my attention, and each time I listen to it, I listen to it in a different way, I think it depends on the step I'm standing on through my way of healing, anyway, The chorus is:

I don't relate to you

I don't relate to you, no

'Cause I'd never treat me this shitty

The first time I heard this part, it was actually the catchy part for me in the song, and I felt like yes, I hear you Billie, I didn't relate to anyone of them, all the people who hurt me, they're not like me in anyway, nothing, zero similarities, and I felt so powerful, that I didn't deserve that, I'm not like them, I escaped away, and Allah rescued me from all of that, and I felt grateful for just escaping that.

But, it hit me differently yesterday, while I was walking and listening to the same exact chorus, I felt like okay I can relate to them in a way, because back then, yes, I'd treat me this shitty, I didn't love myself enough to stop these shitty people from even passing by me in the street, I'd accept a lot of things that I didn't deserve because I didn't love myself enough, so here we are, I found on similarity between us, that I didn't love me enough, to stop this shitty behaviours and shitty people from entering my life.

The hard truth is, most of the time you accept some shitty behaviour from the people you surround yourself with, or you keep going back to the same hurtful relationships, it's just because you believe without you even noticing you deserve this type of treatment, you think this is how you deserve to be loved, maybe that roots to the way your parents treated you when you were a child or even the way that someone you loved more than anything treated you and you trusted those people and your personality was shaped by the way they treated you, so that's why you think this love, or this is friendship, but it's not!

And I'm not here to throw diagnosis in your faces, because I'm not an expert and I can't say why you are doing that to yourself, but in most of the cases, it goes back to how we were treated by our parents when we were children unfortunately, I'm not putting the blame entirely on our parents (although it's them mostly) but in a way or another, they're victims too, to the same toxic cycle, and this cycle goes back to hundreds of generations, and the most terrifying thing you could hear from your parents "we are trying to avoid our parents mistakes" like WOW! what if you weren't trying to avoid it, what could you have done?

That's can give you, my dear reader, an insight of how awful they were treated, but anyway, circling back to the main topic, so if you figured out the reason why you keep looping to the same people with different names and faces, why you're accepting this type of shitty treatment over and over again, now you know, what should you do? it's a choices between two and there's no other choice, either you will prefer denial for now, because you're brain can't handle the fact that's the reason and continue with the same cycle either by being like the people who hurt you or living your whole life as the victim, letting people step on your neck easily, because that what you feel deep down that you deserves, or and I prefer this approach more, you can say, enough is enough, and I want to break this cycle, I saw a quote before says "pain running through families until someone is ready to feel it" someone who is going to let it hurt and fix it rather than staying in denial,

So Dear, the choice is yours, either live in their shadows for the rest of your life, keep doing their mistakes, keep losing yourself with people that don't look anything like you, and treat you in a way, you don't deserve, and you have never deserved to be treated on this way, and that's the easy choice, or you can choose to break the cycle and save generations coming after!